am confuse and angry with my self. No reasons why and i'm trying to figure it out. My head keep on spinning, thinking of who am i. sounds like some dramatic scenes huh. but it happened, somehow i feel like i'm an useless asshole who's being so selfish and nvr care about people around me, people who i cared, people who i loved/love. I do care, I do love but the thing is i never show any of it. yea yea yea.. u guys might say loving or cared about someone doesn't mean u need to show it. BULLSHIT... i dont believe that.. people these days are sensitive but stupid at the same time.. ur heart might be fragile but it is hard as a rock at the same time.. well, it depends in situation, for example like your parents, they scold you for ur mistakes and ur all so mad and sometimes feel like running away from home, thinking that they dont love u bla bla bla... but do you ever thought of how much of sacrifice they gone to just to brought u up?.. WELL ITS JUST AN EXAMPLE.. my point is everybody has this attitude.. why???.. i admit i do.. feel like changing not to be that person BUT i cant.. 21 years of adaption i dont think i can change in 1 month.. *finger cross*..

i have big dreams.. HUGE ones.. *i cant say it out*.. i always tell my self i must persevere.. chase that dream, come on u can do it.. but ended up giving up.. do you ever think that this wold is so huge and there is freaking billions of people might have the same dreams as yours?.. you have to compete with people like running as fast as u can just to reach the finish line.. be the best among others.. i never experience the feeling of being the best and tell my self YES I DID IT.. i wish i can do that, i wish it happened to me.. nothing is impossible but if i really think nothing is impossible then i'll be god now.. i guess i'll just need to fuck it and just follow the flow??.. we'll see how things go..

Damn, i really hate the fact that i only blog when am in a stress mode. definitely NOT.GOOD.AT.ALL!!.. exam is next Monday and studied NONE!!. The truth is, i'm a last minute person. Well, i thought of studying, literally, BUT every time when i flip open my notes my mind will automatically go to somewhere else and think of something else to do like.. ' i think i should check my mails, oh, i haven't watch this movie yet, hmm.. maybe i should start in 5 minutes time' and the worst one was FACEBOOK!!.. i dont know why but i have a ability to go on facebook and just stare for hours... CURSE U MARK ZUKERBERG!!!...

I admit i was quite KIASU for past 2 years and that KIASU spirit gone no where. Even exam is 2 weeks time i will take out my notes and revise like those kiasu people did. *kiasu is good okay*. but now am so freaking lazy. oh well, maybe that ohimustscoresothaticansucceedinthisindustry IS GONE!!. Actually, i've been thinking if i continue being lazy and sticking my butt on my comfortable sofa staring and browsing shits in the internet, i will never go for in future. YES, i do think a lot about my future but the main problem is my my brain says stop being lazy and my heart says i think i need a long break (which is super duper long until am lost track of time). Okay collin, u better study smart for ur exam and make ur mom proud *take a deep breath and smile*

okay.. i'll start studying now and finish all my work so that i can pass this finals. Repeat PASS THIS FINALS. I dont give a damn about my scores these days, as long as i can pass is good enough right??.. hehe he he e..e...e... SIGHHH!!!!...

SOMEONE PLS SLAP ME 255 TIMES TO WAKE ME UP!!!....

wish me luck people!..

-collin.s-

this post is specially dedicated to u and how much i felt regretted for ignoring u at the past. I learn something by do not judge a book by its cover and i learn my lesson well. Although it takes 3 years for us to meet up but i am glad we did at last. i am really really happy that u waited and never give up.

we have many things in common and am still thinking of the same question, why me?. and i decide to leave the answer as fate. no matter what i will appreciate u and cared the way u should deserve. thanks alot.

HUGS.

-collin-

suebin's legal day..

we celebrated suebin's day in zouk and i had lots of fun. i have not entered the club for past 7 months and this is what happen when i was high.. LOL.. anyway... let the pic do the talking..

The birthday girl...

jon's friend who help us to squeeze the underage to enter the club.. hahah.. including me!..

on the dance floor!!..

david!!.. what the hell are u doing??.. hahaha..

we are tipsy.. =X

love u gf!.. =)

we had lots of fun dancing and drink till drunk, but am not.. cant wait for the next round!!.. lets partayyy!..

hey, i had something to share with u guys, to all my juniors in hospitality if u guys desperately finding a place for ur internship, betty's midwest kitchen is definitely a great place to work. Although it is a small establishment but they are catering huge crowd. i had great experience working there. I feel like a home and a family with all the staff around, oh.. and it is a family business. Well, during my training aunty a.k.a lady boss will feed me every hour, if i am hungry, she will immediately find food for us bcuz she doesn't want us to starve while we work. Besides, i feel so flexible working there because i only work for 5 hours per day. although weekends is peak, i dont mind working for more hours cuz i get paid and aunty would cook betty's kitchen food for all the staff!.. which is awesome.. so juniors out thr, if u want to ask more feel free to ask me about my experience in betty's. i would lurrrvvvveeee to share!...

hehehe... the 'fa hiao' season comes again. WHAT??... am single k.. and i have the RIGHTS to hiao.. buahaha.. neway, yesterday was one of my happiest moment for the whole year, as i get to SEE U AGAIN!!... lol.. but its different this time kay.. last time i dont not dare to approach u but yesterday i get to talk to u.. which is an IMPROVEMENT.. doesn't it??.. let me stress this again... THAT EYES and THAT SMILE!!!... gosh damn it.. am 'fa hio-ing'.. what to do.. damn 'dry' d.. lol..


but, anyhow i can feel the awkwardness, when u looked at me, i was like, okay what should i do now??... *smilee*.. and then u smiled back, but the problem is the eye contact makes me feel uncomfortable yet happy.. so called mixed feeling LAH.. when u come nearer, we did not talk, when i come out from the room i saw u and we still did not talk.. BUT WE JUST SMILED!!.. imagine how many times we smiled at each other. okay okay.. i admitted my heart melted thousand times.. BUT that was only yesterday, sigh. lakeside campus is so much different thn LCS.. i can spot u anytime in LCS and knows where is ur hang out spot.. but lakeside.. WHR THE HELL R U??.. looking back at my old post during october, makes me smile non stop 'like siao lang'..  that is the period whr i have crush on u.. how dumb is that..  oh well, thats life.. wait.. i mean my life.. not normal and complicated.. C'est la vie.. isn't it?.. 


-collin-

i have a big,HUGE confession to make...

ehemm........... i felt fking awkward, disgusted, and had goosebumps reading my older post... damn.. i dont knw why.. but aft thinking abt it again.. i felt so stupid. hahaha.. neways.. i know its over but HOW THE FUCK CAN I POST THOSE STUFF!!.. MCB!!... hahahaha...

move on, well well well.. WHY THE HELL U STAY SO FAR LAHH!!!.... I CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT COMPETITION TO SEE U AGAIN!!... FML!!...

ciaoo.. =)

wow.. its been a f**kin long time from the last update huh..well, here is the blogging mood again.. =) oh.. i realize something, when am happy, in love, crush, i will just start blogging.. buahaha.. it it good to share, right?.. in a way..


my life have change drastically this year, why?.. i cant tell cuz its private but it doesn't matter, the important thing is, it is a good thing and of course a good start. i've learn my lesson and of course be my self. i've been in a box for many many years and here i am now.. but still am not really that ready yet, i need time to adapt. u might not know what am talking about but some of you knows it.. i am more confident of my self and very careful. 


blogging is a way of releasing the words in ur heart as it is hard for a person to express it out by mouth. so, i am doing it now. but at the same time i cant overly expose.. blog is still a blog.. =)


i think i shall stop here and continue again tmr.. hahaha.. 

happy birthday to one of the person important person in my life.. YEH RUEN KOR!..

a person that taught me what is life all about, guide me throughout the years, taught me whats wrong and right. And an advice seeker.

Happy 23rd birthday kor.. hope u hav a blast one..

thank you so so much...

i cant breath!!... the amount of assignments is killing me.. i know there is nothing to complain of because i have known that degree is a murderer. am actually kind of regretted of continuing BUT.... sigh.. today was a shitty day. got scold by 'someone' for unreasonable reason. class starts at 8 and its practical that i reached at 8.. so whats wrong with that?. AM LATE??!!.. okay fine.. i admit that am suck in cooking but of course i can differentiate what is raw and rare k!.. i dont know where u got ur qualification but i dont want to say anything.. who read my blog u should know who am i talking IF he gets to know i talk about him THEN I KNOW WHO TOLD HIM.. I KNOW WHO U R MR!!..

NEXT..

about the assignments again lets see..

law video *progressing

business english * progressing

economics * what the hell is happening?

marketing * i roonoo

french * for now no assignments (cross fingers)

management * what again?

entrepreneur * going smoothly

purchasing * TMTH

okay frankly speaking.. i dont know how to start. yes we did discuss about everything but HOW TO START??... gah!!... i dont know why my brain work so damn slow!. i tried concentrating in class but then.. i forget everything whn i leave the class.. i cant recall what i studied.. so it shows how srrrooooowwww am i..

anyway.. here is my another blog that is coming up. well, its basically all about my kitchen assignment. showing all the dishes that i cooked. oh ya.. dont get puke whn u look ya.. i know am suck!... www.chinaree.tumblr.com

do enjoy!!...

-collin-

whats the problem of being my self?. am happy with my life now and i really wouldnt want to ruin it. EVER. if being my self would really hurt someone then i guess i should be FAKE then.. sigh.. i cant believe that we're a grown up but still there is some childish backstabber. i can face the fact that u're backstabbing me BUT i cant accept the fact that u're inter prating the wrong things about me. i've done everything just to satisfy u and i've always wanted to make u happy *last time* but this is what i get?. telling people that am useless?. i always respect u and making u as my role model BUT it proves me wrong now. thanks for teaching me to open my eyes bigger now. sigh..

sometimes i felt like my life is such a bitch. but degree has worsen the situation, with the kia su-ness of my classmates *i mean SOME* makes me even more stress. thank god i have yip and desiree if without both of u, i wonder how i will finish my degree. but who knows, time could change everything. as yeh ruen kor said human mind change every second we intend to think alot and couldn't make decision wisely. that really happen to me, i plan alot, from fashion to steward and now, back to taylors taking degree.. SIGH.

degree is seriously a killer, especially assignments. its only week one and tons of assignment is still waiting. however, i still need to face it, if this is the path that i choose then i guess i need to finish it up. oh ya, i smoke alot these days and not many people in collage know that i smoke. But its good for me to actually admit it rather than hide from everyone. so what if i smoke?. if smokers is a failure for u then fuck it. fyi, we smoke doesn't mean we are bad and useless. it doesn't PROVE everything. it is what u THINK.

am still having that crush on u, that VERY deep crush. sigh. i just cant take it when i'm actually thinking of u the whole time. hopefully my internship in maldives would help. *finger cross* as yeh ruen kor said again. i cant spoil you nor spoiling my self at the same time. learn how to say NO. i know its very hard for me to say NO to u, but i will really try my best.

everything has changed, and i guess my life is going to be so different compare to last year. To be honest, i dont want to continue my degree at all. If its not because of you, then i guess i'll b working right now. Tomorrow is another big day for me, where i really determine my fate, to see whether GOD wants me to study or work. YES!, i let GOD to decide my future, not me who decides. cuz am tired worrying about whats next.

well, i think i'm really gonna miss u if i really got that job, but its the best decision that i can do FOR me.

anyway, just came back from lunch with teck wei and we talked ALOT and he let me realize that many people are really worried of me to get a girl friend. i obviously see that most of my heng dais now is attached, and i'm still lonely pooney.. sounds gay...  anyway cut of those craps.

if u guys really curious, am actaully having a crush for almost 1 and half month. WHO?.. no body knows.. except... 'u knw who u r'. and again.. i fall for the person that is impossible to b together. as i said, its better for me to get the job. Actually, to b attached or not is not really worrying me BUT the person who worried about me makes me really worried... dont worry about me bros.. thx and i still love u guys..

my life has changed since high school, its a good thing anyway. am happier now and living my life to the fullest.thx to my heng dai's and collage mates u guys have made my life nothing but PERFECT. THANKS to desiree darling for listening to my problems and keep it secret, gay partner/brother yip and goh for accompany me whn i am bored and made me laugh. and teck wei for bcoming a big bro of mine and he talks exactly like my brother. my best buddy christopher peng  for making me laugh and made my day when am emo. yeh ruen the best kor ever for listening to my problems and giving me advise. sio sen for helping me alot in studies and etc. nick thang for helping me alot in my studies as well and all my course mates, u knw i love u guys right.. =)

oh ya.. shan shan gf and alby kor.. how can i survive without both of u.. =)

SIGH.. i dont know how my life would b after tomorrow. its either the normal life again or the hectic, fun, tiring, bla bla bla... pray hard that i can get it.. 

-collin-

another thailand trip...

this was 3rd time visiting bangkok and 2nd time for this year, but it is totally different this time bcos i dont only visit bangkok but hatyaii and phuket as well.. what makes this trip awesome was i travel with my bros/the traveling crews. we reach phuket with empty pockets cuz we spend all our money shopping in bangkok.. lol.. i still miss the trip and hopefully we can have it once again.

oh ya.. i have a wife and a boy friend when i was in bangkok.. lol..=) what to do, bangkok loves me and i love bangkok very much too.. hahaha.. thats the reason i travel thr alot.. during the trip we enjoy teasing each other,rapping, touching, joking, and gaying.. we cant help it cuz its all guys trip..lol..

so let me briefly describe how we manage our trip:

took bus from kl to hat yaii- 8 hrs

took van from hat yaii to bangkok- 12 hrs!!... @.@

plane from bangkok to phuket- 1 and half hours

plane from phuket to kl- 1 and half hours.

ANYWAY.. let the pictures do the talking kay..

 i was stuck in the malaysia custom.. whr the gates wouldn't open and couldn't read my passport as well.. ish!!..

camwhore in tut tut @ hat yaii...

james discovered these delicious burgers in 7eleven.. since then it was our fav meal.. lol..

12 hrs in the van = tired, ass burning, need more ciggi!!.. our faces proves everything..

sleeping in the small tiny van...

when we reached bangkok its about 5am and the first thing we do was brush our teeth and wash our face in the public toilet.. lol..

bagun pagi.. gosok gigi cuci muka dalam tandas awam..

then we immediately head to the FLOATING MARKET!...

on the small tiny boat..

the floating market...

we had our breakfast on the boat, which is fun!...

noodles yum!!..

we live in a hotel very near to MBK and most of the time we walk and seldom took the cab.. it save our cost alot but still we finish up our money.. lol.. we took the MRT which is much more cheaper then the cab and tut tut..

 notice the pink colour cab AGAIN??.. lol.. i dont knw why it still attracts my attention..

in the train on the way to chatucak for SHOPPING.. wohoo..

okay... let me 'story' abit about this picture.. well i never cross a railway track before and this was my first time.. so, actually we wanted to go silom and we need to walk around 10 km from our hotel to get thr.. and on the way, we need to cross the train tracks... from the picture we actually came from the right where after we cross the track.. it was cool and while crossing am really worry that my leg would stuck on the railway like the drama drama scene.. haha..

  this is the twins.. the left one thinks he is hot and the right one thinks he is hotter.. but the fact is i am hotter than them.. hahaha... anyway.. they r my BROS... =)

our last night in bangkok, and we had our dinner in the river side cruise.. food was extreme sucks  and expensive.. sad to leave bangkok but even sadder whn we ate the food... =(

on the cruise...

ethan caught stealing all the prawns..

  tsk tsk tsk.. nam nam.. why la like that!!...

after dinner me, goh, yip, nam, teck wei and yee vern plan to take pic in paragon.. but too bad after 15 mins we arrived all the lights are off..

the next day, we woke up at 4am cuz our flight was at 7am.. when we reached phuket, we were kind of shock cuz most of the population are westerners.. thx god we stay there for only 3 days but not more thn that cuz all of us was BROKE.. and the food in phuket is extremely expensive.. 

  the 4 leng zhais.. buahaha.. waiting for our transport to the jetty..

the ocean was fantastic and the scenery was breathtaking..  we do some snorkeling but then the corals are all death.. but still the sea water was very clear and the sands are soft..

 

phi phi island..

cam whore on the boat..

phi phi island.. =)

whore lagiiiii!!....

and the last day our flight was at 8pm.. we reached the airport earlier and these kids play tai ti on the floor middle of the walkway...

well in conclusion.. we really enjoyed the trip alot and it brings lots of memories.. it even strengthen our relationship as friends and bros.. until today am still missing the trip and hope that we can do this even often.. =)

anyway.. those who i will never see u guys again hopefully am still in ur mind cuz u guys is always on my mind.. taylors dont change me but the friends in taylors changed me alot to who collin is today..

love u all... =)

i cant belive am actually blogging right now with my sleepy eyes, but still i wanna blog!.. well i have a confession to make.. sigh.. its about my mom, i love her so much until i wouldn't want her to disappointed on me. i admit my self that am broke these days and she'll always hand me some amount of money to make sure am not broke, but i felt very guilty when spending all up.. sigh.. BLAME KL FOR HAVING EXPENSIVE FOODS!!.. she always give me what i wanted and make me feel even more guilty.. mom, if possible stop spoiling me.. i always wanted to spend my time on her but with one condition, my dad must not b in the house cuz when i see my dad i dont feel like staying at home and that way in other hand i cant accompany my mom..

sometimes i wish that i could work and get paid so that i can give mummy some of my money but still the fact is i need to study.. SIGH.. i promise my self no matter what i'll protect her and let her be happy with her life cuz she never had one.. she never believe in happy endings cuz she never felt happy with her life before.. she suffered the moment when she was a baby until today. she is bullied by her siblings and relatives and even her own husband and her children. Mom, no matter what am always by ur side love and care for you. i never said I LOVE YOU before but to b honest I REALLY LOVE U.. i dont know how to tell u face to face.. i dont know how to hold ur hand and tell u am always by ur side and i dont know how could i live without u.. promise i'll take care of u, promise i'll never leave u alone and promise i will not burden u anymore.

p/s: i love u mom.

gosh!.. i must say am getting uglier and uglier day by day.. with pimples and heavy eye bags??.. ZOMBIE ON THE LOOSE PEOPLE!!.. i don't sleep comfortably as usual, and i have head ace everyday.. brain tumor perhaps?.. CHOII!!.. anyway.. i went back malacca yesterday and got back kl 1 hour ago.. not to mention the rain makes my eyes focusing on the road without blinking for like 1 and half hour??.. well, went to li chia's dad newly open hotel and one word to describe. SUPERB.. the hotel consist of 16 rooms.. * i guess*.. but all with different designs.. now how cool is that!!.. and and and and and she treat me panacota in her restaurant.. first time eating panacota with gula melaka. bizarre but awesome.. the main purpose for me going back is actually to have a hair cut.. haha.. i know i know.. i'm insane!!.. but what to do, there is no any hair dresser in kl that i trust.. and the main purpose i cut my hair is because of the interview.. so.. its important!!..

but one thing still pissing me off is my pimples and eye bags.. i dont get this much of pimples in my whole life before!.. and my eye bags is like 20kg of water bag sticking on my bloody eyes!!.. MUTHAA!!.. blame exams!!!.. and the stress that the collage give!..

its okay cuz exam is gonna over on this wednesday.. and then it shall pay off by going vacation.. yeap yeap.. am going thailand again but it's totally different this time.. taking bus to hat yaii then van to bangkok * am so going to have blister on my ass* then flight to phuket and back to m'sia.. yes yes!!.. cant wait for it!!.. am thinking of vacation when my exam is tmr.. *baboosh*.. no worries, i know my what i'm gonna get for my result before coming out.. i dream about it yesterday and it is not good at all.. am ready.. i shall not emo.. *i'll try =)

*good luck to me always*

-collin-

Its all about the damn exam!!. i was emo kinda for a while then the depression came. sigh... kitchen exam was super duper GG!.. i dont even know what am i cooking when i was cooking.. wait.. what am i taking about??... anywayyyyyyyyy... i wasn't sure the path that i took.. seriously.. lets think about it again.. cooking was my hobby when i WAS primary BUT not now.. so why did i choose this course??... i have no freaking idea.. maybe the thought of culinary was easy.. hmmm... YEA RIGHT!!.. BOO!!~.. i think alot about my future but not present, i always dream on what to do next and bla bla.. but whats the point when i cant achieve??.. its true dreaming is good, but not so much!..

anyways.. my interview is next week.. hopefully i can get this job.. no no.. I MUST GET THIS JOB!.. its what i want to do and what i always dream for.. not passion but the 'syoikness' of getting this job is beyond the limit of DAMN SYOIK.. ps i dont know what am i talking abt btw.. the good thing is, the interview is in singapore.. which means.. shopping at the same time. hopefully they accept me. i know i can do it.. i am freaking nervous and anxious.. even when my exam i'm still think about the interview.. u say i siao anot??.. i will try to throw my 'english accent to them' its like so annoying, like hell yeah!.. well, if i got trough the 1st round then i will be sooooooooooooo HAPPY.. u know how hard to get trough the 1st round??.. heard from lots of people they r kind of strict, so thats the reason of making me so so scared.. andddd i have freaking scar on my wrist.. so i have 70% left for getting the job... sigh. i am scareddddddd....

GOD BLESS ME!!...

The crab trip..

i have decide not to be emo today.. i have to clarify my self that it is impossible for us to be together..

anyway.. =) just wanna share with you guys the camwhore trip in pulau ketam with the photography lovers, what is cool about them is they dont use digital cam but old vintage cameras.. btw it was HOT yet fun trip.. not forgetting tired too..

Motorcycle and cars is not allow in the island and ONLY bicycle is allowed.. the seafood is damn cheap!

in the boat, on the way to pulau ketam and stuck with super irritating aunty...=.=

this is what kids in pulau ketam play when they have no electronics games..

this small girl really can pose!... lol..

the kumar-ness...

chinareee chinareee???!!...

chinaree chinaree.. jiu mingyaaa!!!...

we block the road until this uncle also cannot pass then he stress... lol..

jac with his pink bike...

we were finding the right place to take pictures but we couldn't find until we saw this old creepy haunted house.. then the real camwhore session started...

the photographers...

dramatic sial.. lol..

another dramatic shot.. lolz..

nice one...

after that, the groupphotopicturetakingstarted...

take 1..

take 2..

take 3..

take 4..

take 5..

take 6..

take 7!!...

ethen, elly,shirnie,benny,kenry,me,daphne,erjie..

photographer: kewheejac...