am confuse and angry with my self. No reasons why and i'm trying to figure it out. My head keep on spinning, thinking of who am i. sounds like some dramatic scenes huh. but it happened, somehow i feel like i'm an useless asshole who's being so selfish and nvr care about people around me, people who i cared, people who i loved/love. I do care, I do love but the thing is i never show any of it. yea yea yea.. u guys might say loving or cared about someone doesn't mean u need to show it. BULLSHIT... i dont believe that.. people these days are sensitive but stupid at the same time.. ur heart might be fragile but it is hard as a rock at the same time.. well, it depends in situation, for example like your parents, they scold you for ur mistakes and ur all so mad and sometimes feel like running away from home, thinking that they dont love u bla bla bla... but do you ever thought of how much of sacrifice they gone to just to brought u up?.. WELL ITS JUST AN EXAMPLE.. my point is everybody has this attitude.. why???.. i admit i do.. feel like changing not to be that person BUT i cant.. 21 years of adaption i dont think i can change in 1 month.. *finger cross*..
i have big dreams.. HUGE ones.. *i cant say it out*.. i always tell my self i must persevere.. chase that dream, come on u can do it.. but ended up giving up.. do you ever think that this wold is so huge and there is freaking billions of people might have the same dreams as yours?.. you have to compete with people like running as fast as u can just to reach the finish line.. be the best among others.. i never experience the feeling of being the best and tell my self YES I DID IT.. i wish i can do that, i wish it happened to me.. nothing is impossible but if i really think nothing is impossible then i'll be god now.. i guess i'll just need to fuck it and just follow the flow??.. we'll see how things go..
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